In Flames
by Emalin
Summary: Sometimes redemption is a quiet thing. It comes to you in sleepless nights and stolen moments, piece by piece, until you look back and realize you've changed. Reylo, post-TLJ. Pure, unadulterated angst/fluff.


Based on "In Flames" by Samuel Proffitt.

* * *

 _In the aftermath_

 _There will be no blood_

 _This is a quiet death, my dear_

* * *

In dreams, he often returned to that throne room, fragments of red cloth raining down in flames, the endless vista of space peeking in for the first time. He'd be staring at the throne, but the body of Snoke would always be gone. And instead of the heavy darkness that used to fill this room, _her_ presence, like a light warming everything it touched, would stream toward him from behind his right shoulder.

 _Rey._ His heart would leap, straining at his body so hard he had no choice to turn around. But when he looked, that same heart would drop with a thud he could feel.

She wasn't there.

He'd search the room with frantic eyes. _No, no, no._ She was here, he'd sensed it. But now her presence was bleeding away from the edges of his mind, like the last light of day slipping over the horizon.

All too soon, it would be gone. The room would be cold and dark again, and more than before, hollow. And every time, he'd end the dream by falling to his knees, struggling to breathe against the pain blooming inside him.

This was a taste of what death felt like. He was sure of it.

* * *

 _I feel you as you dissipate_

 _You're burning up, you're burning up_

* * *

One night, after an especially bad dream, he sprang upright in bed, gasping for breath. His quarters were dark and quiet, save for the subterranean hum of the ship around him. Pulling his knees to his chest, he screwed his eyes shut. It was too late, he told himself. He'd made his choice, and so had she.

 _Or had they?_

The thought caught him off guard. He opened his eyes, breath hitching as an idea formed. So far they'd never had control over their Force bond. But what if? _What if?_

Heart hammering, he reached out, tugging on the string inside himself. As it vibrated, he followed the sensations through the galaxy until, finally, he found a door. The sight sent a shock through his whole body. Swallowing, he knocked softly, feeling more unsure of himself than he'd ever been.

There was no answer.

A heartbeat later, he was back in his quarters, surrounded by the ship's hum. He drew in a shuddering breath once, twice, then bent over and hugged his head.

* * *

 _Your absence like the sky, love_

 _Shining down upon me_

* * *

The next night, he was staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep, when he felt a sensation inside him - like someone knocking at the door of his consciousness.

He froze. Electricity sparked through his veins as, mentally, he opened the door. And there she was, sitting beside him on the bed, glowing with a soft inner light as she smiled down at him.

His heart stopped when she spoke.

"Ben."

* * *

 _Have I been holding my breath all my life?_

 _You're washing over everything_

* * *

She visited him every night after that. It was never for very long, and they didn't do much more than talk. But his days faded to gray in the light of those nights, and when she was there beside him, he felt alive. At peace.

Over time, though, she began to look tired... drawn. Visiting him every night was clearly taking a toll on her, and he couldn't escape a gnawing sense of guilt.

One night he spoke up. "Rey, you don't have to do this. Save your strength. You need it to fight." When she said nothing, he moved closer to her on the bed. His hand ached to touch her knee, her back, anything, but it settled for touching the bed sheet next to her. "Rey... it's okay," he said softly. "I'll come to you when I need you."

"No, you don't understand." She looked at him, her gaze exquisitely painful in its sweetness. "I need this too, Ben."

Reaching out, she touched his face. Everything in him shuddered, and he nuzzled her hand, reaching up to cover it with his.

* * *

 _The more you love me, the more I will ruin you_

 _I'm in your head, I've been in your head all my life_

* * *

The next time he had the dream, it started out the same as before. Fragments of burning cloth raining down, the endless vista of space outside... then _her_ presence, warm and welcoming, over his right shoulder. But this time, when he turned, she was still there. Her smile was as bright as the sun, and she opened her arms wide, waiting for him to run to her and sweep her off the ground.

He did. And he held on, hugging her close and twirling her around and around, until he woke up.

That was the night his walls came crashing down.

The Light... it had won after all.

* * *

 _What happened to your eyes, love?_

 _They mumble incoherently_

 _Fragments of the poems that I wrote_

 _While you pretended to be asleep_


End file.
